no, he came in my armpit
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
