wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
