I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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