i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
