her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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