my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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