I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
