There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
