I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
