I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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