My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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