He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
