Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
