I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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