mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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