he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
