hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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