He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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