I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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