i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He passed out mid-signature
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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