Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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