dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
