she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
