Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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