i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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