if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
