I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
