the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
