When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My liver just had a heart attack.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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