Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
