I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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