I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
