you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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