Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
