That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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