Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
