I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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