Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
