Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
