She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
