A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
