Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
