Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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