Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
