That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
