so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize