Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
