My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
