He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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