My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
did you just send me my own nude
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
