They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
