So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
