I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
