i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
