I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize