Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
