Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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