I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
