you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
