there was a trapeze. enough said
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
