You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
