he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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