I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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