He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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