a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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