"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
