I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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