He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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