don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
