he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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