i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
