i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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