and you said cock pushups were impossible
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
