This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
