her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
