Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this boner is exhausting
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
