Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
