So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
